How much energy do you put into your relationships with your friends, partners, work colleagues? Do you put the same effort in to all equally or more effort into some than others?
How do you feel when you get little to nothing back effort wise?
Do you feel let down, not bothered or have you even noticed? Are you the one who isn’t putting the effort in? Is there a particular reason for this?
Below are 3 ways for you to put more energy and effort into a relationship along with 3 ways to reduce your time and effort if you are not getting anything back.
How to put more energy and effort into a relationship:
Listen – Use your ears, I know it sounds obvious but are you really listening to the person or are you thinking of something else, staring at your phone, looking at social media and nodding automatically? Really listen to what the person is saying and notice their body language as well as their tone and language used. You can get a lot more than just words from actively listening to the person.
If you dislike the person talking and you work with them, it can be a challenge to listen as you will likely be dismissing what they say, regardless of what they are saying, Try to take everything personal out of it, focus on the words. Is what they are saying correct or helpful or is it wrong? Try to ignore how you feel so it isn’t affecting your working relationship and you can work together successfully.
To effectively listen be in that moment and focus on the individual.
Time – Give your time to people, spend time with them and listen. If you give your time and energy, this will be noticed and shows you are interested and care. Time can be difficult when there is so much going on, rushing about and everything needs to be done now. So schedule time in to meet with people at work or plan and go on a date night with your partner or call your relations and chat to them. Everyone likes to feel cared for so give people your time and they will respond positively.
Reliable – Turn up when you say you will, attend meetings on time and be consistent with your relationships, people like those who are reliable and with this comes trust. If you are constantly letting people down, don’t expect them to hang about for long. Remember, why should someone spend time with you, if you are not bothered about being there for them.
Knowing when to let go and reduce your energy and effort:
Be patient – It can take time for someone to realise you are putting all the effort in to your relationship. Instead of constantly being in touch, pull back and wait for the person to acknowledge and respond. It’s likely not intentional. Life can get in the way and time can fly, so be patient and give people time to respond, before you call or message again. The chances are once they realise they haven’t heard from you, they will be in touch.
Time – Put in the effort as usual into your relationships, but if you are always being let down as they fail to turn up or aren’t giving you their full attention, then pull back, your time is precious, just as much as theirs. Call them out on it – make it clear your time isn’t to be wasted and let them know what your expectations are. For example, if you are out for dinner, ask them to put their phone down or away. You have put the effort in to be present whereas the people on social media or online have not. They can wait. You are not being demanding, you are letting the person know you want to spend time with them and have their full attention.
Expectations – Are you asking too much? Are your expectations too high? Don’t judge other people by your own standards as you will always be disappointed. You don’t need to let go of all your standards or expectations, but you need to be realistic. What you see as a let down, may be the person giving it their all. Be kind and see if a compromise can be reached instead. Be clear on what your expectations are and what values you won’t compromise on. If they know this from the offset, it will be clear.
For both types of people you also need to know when to persist. The individual may not be their usual self, and it may be out of character for them to let you down, not be in touch or give you the time of day. If you know them well, keep going with them and ask them if they are ok or if they need help. They might not know how to ask for it, so offer it to them instead.
This may be more tricky if you are work colleagues and don’t know them well but don’t give up straight away, try a few times, and see if you can build your working relationship and understand the expectations on both sides.
Knowing when to walk away is also important. Sometimes, you can try and put all the effort in and the person will still not give you the time of day, be reliable or even appreciate what you have to offer. If you are at a point like this it may be time to let go and see what happens, if the person eventually realises they have lost you, they may come and get you, but if not, you’ve done the right thing. People can be so absorbed in their own world they forget other people are out there and can take you for granted. By taking a step back, it gives them the space to realise you are not there. If you know you have done all you can, then hold your head high and walk away knowing there was nothing else you could do and move on.
All relationships are tricky at times, with effort ebbing and flowing on both sides. Pay attention to those relationships that are important to you and be consistent with the effort and energy you put in to them particularly if you expect it back at the same level.
Thank you for reading, have a great week and look after you.
Love Emma xx
Wellbeing with Relaxing Lavender 