In our lives we do a lot of things, some of the biggest include careers, relationships and buying houses. Now, there is a heck of a lot more that that, but these are three significant ones I’d say.
We often, and are happy to do so, cruise along in these situations all happy and content and then something will shift in out head or our environment which makes us rethink our career or relationship or home. But the shift maybe small so we don’t intend to do anything about it, as really all is great and we are still happy. However, maybe time goes on and we start to get more niggles about the situation, we maybe don’t care as much, we don’t put the work in and/or we fall out of love with our job, home or partner.
As you may know, we moved away last year and rented our house out for six months. We didn’t know how long we would be away for but when we left the house, we were happy to say goodbye and knew in our hearts the house was gone from us. Then we returned at the end of last year and moved back into our house. We unpacked and settled back in or tried to but I know I have no interest in our house anymore, it doesn’t feel like our home, it has lost it’s wonder and beauty to me. Whilst it’s still a house with four walls and is in great working order, doing all things a house needs to do 😊 it just lacks love, I have fallen out of love with it and have no interest in making any improvements to it. In my head, I am no longer here but somewhere else. I have mentally checked out!
Now we can paint, paper, make improvements or add bits to our house, but the reality is, what’s the point, it wouldn’t make me love it more, it may help but if I have moved on, nothing can change my mind. It would just be more expense for something that potentially would make me enjoy it for a few more months. So moving on is the best thing for us to do.
I think we can all relate to having a job we have mentally checked out of, you go through the motions day by day, your heart isn’t in it and you no longer go the extra mile you used to. But still, you turn up, do what you need to, then you go home and look for another job or just complain to anyone that will listen about how much you detest your role. Sometimes it might just be so unbearable that you just don’t talk about it! You might chat to your boss about it, who could say, ‘lets shake things up and give you some alternative things to do‘ or ‘lets look at getting you a pay rise‘ as they don’t want to lose you. Whilst both a pay rise and other projects may be something that gets your ‘whoo hooo‘ back for the role, realistically, it is just aesthetics, it papers over the cracks for six months or so and then they start to appear again, as you mentally checked out months ago!
Relationships are the same, although we tend to put more effort into these before they end, as we often feel we should. If you mentally check out here, it can certainly be an uphill struggle! Day after day, you do what you have to, be pleasant, say the usual things and following the routine you do. However, stop and think about the words you are using – you say ‘I love you‘ but do you really mean it, is this just to keep the pretense up that all is alright, and to try and trick your brain into checking back in. Maybe you do mean it and it’s from the heart, so what can you do to get things back on track so you are mentally present in that relationship? Talk to your partner, however, that may be difficult if they are not in the same place as you, but maybe you need to look at what you used to love about your relationship and take it from there. If you are lucky, (maybe not the best phrase to use) your partner will feel the same and you can work at your relationship or part ways in a less strained and pained way – by no means easy but both parties can see it’s time to move on.
Is there anything in your life that you have mentally checked out of? Are you struggling to make a decision? Writing down the pro’s and con’s can help (although, if it is about your relationship, be careful as you wouldn’t want your partner to find it, particularly if there are more cons than pro’s!) Think about what you don’t like in your current situation and why it isn’t working – have you been in your current role for years or at the same company – it may be time for a change, you may have learned all you can from them and need a new company with other ideas and ways of working. Maybe your house has served it’s purpose, maybe you do move and let someone else create a home there, and you can then move onto something that makes your heart go whoo hoo!
Whatever it is you have mentally checked out of, don’t be hard on yourself, all good things come to an end and it usually means it has served it’s purpose and there are bigger and better things out there for us! Be happy and be mentally present in all you do, if it isn’t there, then move forward and create the life you want, life is too short to be mentally checked out!
Have a lovely week and thank you for reading! 😄
Take care and look after you!
Love Emma xxx