No, I have not suddenly decided to write about building work and plumbing. That certainly isn’t my area of expertise.
I’m talking about Drains in your life, those people who drain the energy from you and fill your life with negativity, or Scaffolds who are people that make you happy and give you positive energy to keep you upright!
We all have had or often still have Drains in our life, those whose glass is always half empty and no matter what is happening they will always, ALWAYS find the negative in something. They can bring your mood down by just spending a few moments with you, you can be all bright, happy and sparkly and then BANG your so called friend/work colleagues/delivery driver or family can turn that happiness into something that makes you want to go and hide under a duvet for a week.
Please note I am not talking about people who have genuine hardships or problems whether health or otherwise. I’m talking about people who have the world at there feet and instead of scooping it up and taking it all in, they trudge through it like it’s treacle and complain all the way.
There has been and always will be some Drains in your life, sometimes you can shake them off which is definitely for the best. Other times they are there for the run of life. In that case I would suggest you try to limit the amount of time you spend with them. I know it isn’t often easy. So how would you define a Drain? I would define one as someone who injects negativity into all they do and tries to pass it onto others as misery needs company! They tend to be people that feed off negative situations, something that maybe hasn’t gone their way, or they see an injustice but don’t act on it, just complain about it, or the people who may have something exciting happening but still they can find the negative in anything. They are hard work to talk too and are very draining people. Sure we all have bad days but they come and go, but the Drains will always seem to have a bad day, or something happening to them, they see no positive way forward, they embrace the way negativity makes them feel and want to pass this painful existence on.
I think the Drains like the comfort of the negative and the known. Rather than what exciting positive experiences could happen if they opened their eyes and heart to the unknown. They want things to be static. They do not see every experience as a learning opportunity, whether a positive or negative outcome we grow and learn and use the information to push forward to the next experience or adventure.
Drains want to impart their negative knowledge/feelings/experiences onto you so you join them in their world. You can be having a fabulous day and they will try to lure you in to think like them. They may have a problem with their life but rather than doing anything about it they want to moan and offload in the hope you come round to their way of negative thinking.
Hopefully you manage to steer clear of the Drains or you don’t fall into their trap, leaving your encounter with them without any scarring.
Now lets talk about the Scaffolds, these delightful people are positive, make you feel happy, support you no matter what and give you strength when you need it. You want more of these people in your life. If you are having a truly glum day or are just in need of something to make you smile, these people will do that. They can brighten up a room at 50 paces and will be behind you 100% in anything you do, they may even push you into things you feel uncomfortable about but they know that you will succeed and never question it. Negativity never comes into it.
Scaffolds, like their namesake will hold you up, support you and be your backbone when you need it. They are likely happy, will do fun crazy things, not give fear the chance to settle in and kick some ass along the way. They will give you advice freely and be happy to discuss your issues with you and help you to find a solution. They will hold your hand when you need it – give you a wee boost to help you over a hurdle.
When I was at my worst with anxiety a number of years ago, one of my Scaffolds I worked with never treated me any differently, she was great, she knew my story and what made me anxious, at the time, going to a supermarket was so hard, to be and feel trapped with lots of people and a maze of aisles and it felt like the exit was miles away, my anxiety was crippling. She knew I struggled and if I needed to just leave, I could and she would buy my lunch. But the days we went to the shops, she never asked if I was up to it, she just kept pushing me in a positive way and knew I would retreat if I needed to, I never did, I knew I had to keep pushing myself in every situation to get passed the uncomfortable anxious feelings. I am forever grateful she was there helping me to get through being afraid of going to the shops. I do still have times when being in a shop can feel a bit overwhelming but I won’t let anxiety win.
Scaffolds are fantastic, I have some truly wonderful ones and some I don’t see often but we keep in touch via text, boosting each other when we need it, to ensure we are not alone facing any challenges.
Scaffolds are special – they are truly rooting for you to succeed and will be a tremendous support system to you. They will not let you down.
Think of a group of friends you have, you can probably spot who are the Drains and who are the Scaffolds. Whilst I’m not suggesting you ditch all the Drains in your life, what I would say is, if they make you unhappy and you feel negative after spending time with them, then maybe it is time for you to walk away.
You may only have a few Scaffolds in your life, but that is all you need, they keep your soul bright and happy and light the way for you when you are in the dark.
Your life may never be 100% happy, however, having people in your life, your Scaffolds, can boost you when you need it rather than Drain your energy and fill you with negativity.
Don’t let anyone have a detrimental affect on your mental health and wellbeing.
Take care and have a great week.
Thanks to all my Scaffolds in my life. I love you all.
2 thoughts on “Drains and Scaffolds”
Yet another tasty novel of life’s pattern of snakes and ladders, but emphasising on the up or ‘scaffolding’ aspect, instead of the slippery down ones. Very well thought out and a point of a daily relevant issue, rarely thought of in that context. Great thoughts to achieve a more contended relationship with the right people!
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Thank you very much. xx